Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.