Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

My plastic surgeon ... said my face looked like a bouquet of elbows.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.