Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.

Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.