My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.