I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."
Phyllis DillerOnce my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.
Phyllis DillerI remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."
Phyllis DillerChristmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis Diller