Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.