I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.