I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.