This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.