Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

Do I believe in Witchcraft? I'm the result of it.