Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

Life is a do-it-yourself kit, so do it yourself. Work. Practice.

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.