Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.