I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl.

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.