I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

I am constantly being asked about individuals. The only way to win is as a team. Football is not about one or two or three star players.

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.