Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

Think of me as a sex symbol for the men who don't give a damn.

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.