Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.