Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.