The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

Never go to bed angry, stay up and fight.