Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!