Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

It's hard to find a negligee in my size. I wear a Junior Mister.

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.