When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!