... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.