... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

I serve dinner in three phases: serve the food, clear the table, bury the dead.

I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.