Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
Phyllis DillerMy husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.
Phyllis DillerToo many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.
Phyllis DillerThe only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.
Phyllis DillerThe constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.
Phyllis Diller