Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.