Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!