It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.