It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.