I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won't have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.