I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.