I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.