I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

Carry an oar when you drive. Three times I've ended up in water.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.