I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.