I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

Oh, that dog! Ever hear of a German Shepherd that bites its nails? Barks with a lisp? You say, "Attack!" And he has one. All he does is piddle. He's nothing but a fur-covered kidney that barks.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.