[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.
All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.
I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.
My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.
I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.