get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.

[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.