I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.