I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

Your husband drinks too much if he says he never drinks alone, but considers the goldfish somebody.

Would you believe that I once entered a beauty contest? I must have been out of my mind. I not only came in last, I got 361 get-well cards.

... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.