I met my husband when a friend sent him over to my house to cure my hiccoughs.
I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.
When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.
This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.