If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

It's a certain kind of immortality, because those Disney films do go on and on and on.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

How do you know they're growing up? Well, the bite marks are higher.

I'd love to slit my mother-in-law's corsets and watch her spread to death.

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.