You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.
Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.
I was the world's ugliest baby. When I was born, the doctor slapped everybody.
Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.