I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book; or a friend who's #read one.

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.