I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book; or a friend who's #read one.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'