Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

The only parts left of my original body are my elbows.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

All mothers are working mothers.

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.