Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

A friend told me the longer you keep Romano cheese, the better it gets. So, I kept it three years. And this thing turned mean. Now and then I'd open the refrigerator door and throw it some food. I'd have to walk it now and then. And then it grew this one leg. And it's got this ugly fuzz all over it. And the dogs won't run with it.

I honestly believe there is absolutely nothing like going to bed with a good #book; or a friend who's #read one.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!