When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

The constants all through the centuries will be the same; wine, women and song. Other than that, life will be very different technologically. In the year 3000 the universe will be expanding as it will forever, infinitely. We will probe outer space but never find life as evolutionized as ours. We were not created by a deity. We created the deity in OUR image. Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.