When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.

Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!