When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men - I'm sick of karate.

Fang took the entire family out for coffee and donuts the other night. The kids enjoyed it. It was the first time they'd ever given blood.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

My idea of exercise is a good brisk sit.

If my jeans could talk, they'd plead for mercy.