Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.