Have the man at the station put the air in the tires. I did it once myself. Have you ever seen a car with a limp?

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

We have far too many kids. At one time in the playpen there was standing-room only. It looked like a bus stop for midgets. It used to get so damp in there, we'd have a rainbow above it.

Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.

When he proposed he said, "We'll make such beautiful music together," but in this duet, his part seems to be all rests.

All mothers are working mothers.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.