Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.

Comedy is tragedy revisited.

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.

I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

Women want men, careers, money, children, friends, luxury, comfort, independence, freedom, respect, love, and a three-dollar pantyhose that won't run.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.