This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

Comedy is tragedy revisited or hostility. It is mock hostility, of course, or it would be ugly; we would have a war.

The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

[When to have a facelift:] If you're tripping over your neck.

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.