Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.