Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

self-pity is better than none.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

I realize it is normal to argue. I almost missed World War II watching my parents fight.

Christmas is a time when everybody wants his past forgotten and his present remembered.

Like all good ruins, I look better by moonlight.