Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

A passport picture is a photo of a man that he can laugh at without realizing that it looks exactly the way his friends see him.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.