My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

I never made `Who's Who,' but I'm featured in `What's That?'

You know you're old when your walker has an airbag.

When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.

I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.