My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.

When I go to the beach, my grandchildren try to make words out of the veins in my legs. That's why I still take the pill; I don't want any more grandchildren.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

All mothers are working mothers.

Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

Once my husband said to me, 'I'm going to have some coffee. Do you want me to put some hot water on for you?' I thought that was the least he could do considering I was giving birth.