My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle

I once wore a peekaboo blouse. People would peek and then they’d boo.

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

get married with the feeling it is going to last. Not like the bride I know who doubled the wedding cake recipe and froze one.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'