I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

They always say to Californians that we don't have seasons. Of course, that is not true. We have fire, flood, mud and drought.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio.