I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

I was in a beauty contest once. I not only came in last, I was hit in the mouth by Miss Congeniality.

Some wives have model husbands, I got one that needed remodeling.

Everybody knows how lazy he is. One day the neighbors saw Fang mow the lawn and I got three Get Well cards.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!