I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.

When I was a kid and we used to play Post Office, I was the Dead Letter Office.

This woman was so cross-eyed. She can go to a tennis match and never move her head.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.

Let me tell you, a discussion that starts, 'I'll tell you something you do that irritates me, if you tell me something I do that bothers you,' never ends in a hug and a kiss.

You can say the nastiest things about yourself without offending anyone.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.