All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

I love to go to the doctor. Where else would a man look at me and say, 'Take off your clothes'?

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

I'm the only woman who can walk in Central Park at night... and reduce the crime rate.

My body's in such bad shape I wear prescription underwear.

Every time I go near the stove, the dog howls.