All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won't have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

Remember there is no way you can give the father custody of the children without getting a divorce.

Fang and I are always fighting. When we get up in the morning, we don't kiss; we touch gloves.

If I wore a peek-a-boo dress, it would be like turning in a false alarm.

All mothers are working mothers.