The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

Health - what my friends are always drinking to before they fall down.

If your house is really a mess and a stranger comes to the door greet him with, 'Who could have done this? We have no enemies!'

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.