The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

I still take the pill. I don't want any more grandchildren.

You've got to realize that when all goes well, and everything is beautiful, you have no comedy. It's when somebody steps on the bride's train, or belches during the ceremony that you've got comedy!

It's true Fang and I fight, but we've never gone to bed mad. Of course, one year we were up for three months.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.

I got my first laugh when my mother entered me in a baby contest.

No matter what time your guests arrive, pretend they're early, so naturally you're not ready.