The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

My husband is so cheap. On Christmas Eve, he fires one shot and tells the kids Santa committed suicide.

I like to serve chocolate cake, because it doesn't show the dirt.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

My sister-in-law is so skinny that she has a striped dress with only one stripe.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.