Right from the start my parents had left me to fend for myself. Apparently unaware that I was a kid, they invariably treated me like an adult, perhaps because they themselves were no spring chickens.

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

One [expert] said, 'Always have a baby sitter who is acquainted with your children.' If they were acquainted with my children, they wouldn't sit!

Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.

If it weren't for my adam's apple, I'd have no shape at all.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.