I should have suspected my husband was lazy. On our wedding day, his mother told me: "I'm not losing a son; I'm gaining a couch."

I'm from such an old family, it's been condemned.

Most people get an appointment at a beauty parlor... I was committed!

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

My eight-year-old bought a bicycle with the money he saved by not smoking.

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.