Doctors say it's okay to have sex after a heart attack, provided you close the ambulance door.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

self-pity is better than none.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

When I go to the beach, even the tide won't come in.

Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion, and I can't buy any of it.

The only thing my husband and I have in common is that we were married on the same day.