It took me three weeks to stuff the turkey. I stuffed it through the beak.
I'm eighteen years behind in my ironing. There's no use doing it now, it doesn't fit anybody I know.
I was so wrinkled I could screw my hats on.
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.
Keep at least one window pane clean to check the weather. Once when I didn't do this I sent the kids off with umbrellas for six weeks straight.
Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.