Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

There's such a buildup of crud in my oven, there's only room to bake a single cupcake.

My husband is so useless that it's hard for me to be romantic with him. I get down on the floor and say, If you love me, blink your eyes.

To get a roaster clean, send something like baked apples in it to a neighbor. Neighbors always return pans spotless, and you won't have to use a blow torch on it like you usually do.

Becoming a comedienne was my way of adjusting to puberty.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.