Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.

Mothers-in-law do not make good house pets. Once I had the most wonderful dream -- I dreamed that mothers-in-law cost money and I couldn't afford one.

I'll never forget my first fur. It was a modest little stole. Modest? People thought I was wearing anchovies.

I always wondered how I could tell when the right one came along - but it was easy. He was the only one that came along.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

They just elected me Mis Phonograph Record of 1966. They discovered my measurements were 33 1/2, 45, 78!

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.