Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

This woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.

... if they [your children] write their names in the dust on the furniture, don't let them put the year.

I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."

Comedy is tragedy revisited.