Too many comics today ramble. By the time they get to the punch line, the audience has either gone to sleep, gone to the bathroom or gone to bed.

This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.

On the way to the delivery room, I almost changed my mind about having a baby. I wouldn't have found it so hard to go ahead with it if I had realized that having a baby was the only way I could ever become a grandmother.

Next to gold and jewelry, health is the most important thing you can have.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

Do not taste food while you're cooking. You may lose your nerve to serve it.