Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

For Fang, getting out of bed in the morning is a career move.

I was the world's ugliest baby. I have photos of my folks leaving the hospital with sacks over their heads... I asked my mother how to turn off the electric fan. She said 'Grab the blade!

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

You know what keeps me humble? Mirrors!

Maybe it's true that life begins at fifty. But everything else starts to wear out, fall out, or spread out.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.