Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.
Phyllis DillerThis woman goes into a gun shop and says, 'I want to buy a gun for my husband.' The clerk says, 'Did he tell you what kind of gun?' 'No,' she replied. 'He doesn't even know I'm going to shoot him.
Phyllis DillerWhen buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.
Phyllis Diller