Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

I remember once a vocational director said to Fang, "You must develop some mechanical skills - like getting out of bed."

Fang can't stand to see trash & garbage lying around the house. He can't stand the competition.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.

My timing is so precise, a heckler would have to make an appointment just to get a word in.