Remarrying a husband you've divorced is like having your appendix put back in.
I have nothing against dogs. I just hate rugs that go squish-squish.
[On plastic surgery:] When I die, God won't know me. There are no two parts of my body the same age.
We Californians are constantly accused of not having seasons, but we do. We have fire, flood, mud, and drought.
My mother hated me. Once she took me to an orphanage and told me to mingle
Sex is identical to comedy in that it involves timing.