Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

Have you ever known anyone who bought a fruitcake for himself? Of course not. They are purchased as Christmas gifts, mostly for people you don't particularly like.

It's an ill will that blows when you leave the hairdresser.

Everybody knows how much time Fang spends in bed. A local store that gives a 30 days' trial on mattresses gives Fang only 15 days.

Once Fang took pep pills and they worked - the only time he ever ran to bed.

We named all our children Kid. Well, they have different first names, like Hey Kid, You Kid, Dumb Kid . . .

Remember, only a policeman is allowed to express himself on an expressway.