Your husband is lazy if when he leaves the house, he finds out which way the wind is blowing and goes that direction.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

It would seem that something which means poverty, disorder and violence every single day should be avoided entirely, but the desire to beget children is a natural urge.

I asked my hairdresser what would look good on me. She says a Los Angeles Rams football helmet.

My sister was so promiscuous she broke her ankle in the glove compartment of a car.

My mother-in-law must be the probation officer I got for the crime I committed of marrying my husband.

I finally had a ship tattooed to my chest. I wanted something on it.