Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

My house used to be haunted, but the ghosts haven't been back since the night I tried on all my wigs.

... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.

Actually, I comb my hair quite often. Of course, I use an electric toothbrush.

If your husband wants to lick the beaters on the mixer, shut them off before you give them to him.

When buying a new house ... Buy the house far enough away from school so your kids can't come home for lunch.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love means nothing.