Isn't my fur stole pitiful? How unsuccessful can a girl look? People think I'm wearing anchovies. The worst of it is, I trapped these under my own sink.

When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.

Absolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!

I don't like to cook. I can make a TV dinner taste like radio.

All I ever learned at my mother's knee was what a bony knee looked like.

Just because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.

There isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.