When I go to the beauty parlor, I always use the emergency entrance. Sometimes I just go for an estimate.
Phyllis DillerAbsolutely nothing was happening in my marriage. I nicknamed my waterbed, Lake Placid!
Phyllis DillerJust because I have rice on my clothes doesn't mean I've been to a wedding. A Chinese man threw up on me.
Phyllis DillerThere isn't any (afterlife), you dingbat! This is it, baby! Enjoy, carefully! Religion is such a medieval idea. Don't get me started. I have thought about every facet of religion and I can't buy any of it. So God made man in His own image? It's just the other way around. Man made God in his own image. It's all about money.
Phyllis Diller