When you hire a person to plan your wedding, this does not include securing the groom. Plan to get married on Friday the 13th. In years to come this will make it much easier to explain why things turned out badly. To look beautiful at your wedding, take time to plan it. It took me a long time to find two ugly bridesmaids and a frumpy little flower girl.

Life began on this planet when the first amoeba split. Mankind will still be seeking God, not accepting that God is a spirit; can't see it, touch it, only feel it. It's called LOVE.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

All mothers are working mothers.

When I go to bed at night, I've got so much grease on my body I wear snow chains to hold up my gown.

My mother-in-law buys her coats in a carper shop. She wears a 9x12.

The last thing my kids ever did to earn money was lose their baby teeth.