I've tried Buddhism, Scientology, Numerology, Transcendental Meditation, Qabbala, t'ai chi, feng shui and Deepak Chopra but I find straight gin works best.

The doctor looked my body over. I said: Is there any hope? He said: Yes. Reincarnation.

Tennis is like marrying for money. Love has nothing to do with it.

When you play spin the bottle, if they don't want to kiss you they have to give you a quarter. Well, hell, by the time I was twelve years old I owned my own home.

Before you get married you should meet your fiance's parents. It is not enough that you like his parole officer.

... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.

I'm the woman who used to think that middle-age spread was a cocktail dip.