Never refer to your wedding night as the original amateur hour.
You want to look younger... rent smaller children.
This man I was going with asked me for my finger measurements. I thought he was going to buy me a ring for Christmas, but he gave me a bowling ball.
... if I invested in a mouthwash stock, bad breath would suddenly become popular.
The best contraceptive for old people is nudity.
I am descended from a very long line my mother once foolishly listened to.