I spent seven hours in a beauty shop... and that was for the estimate.

Choose a checked or striped wall paper. People will be halfway home before they are able to focus.

Your husband is lazy if coffee doesn't keep him awake - even when it's hot and being spilled on him.

I don't know how you feel about old age... but in my case I didn't even see it coming. It hit me from the rear.

If you don't have wrinkles, you haven't laughed enough.

Nothing was happening in the bedroom. I nicknamed our waterbed the Dead Sea.

I'm beginning to have morning sickness. I'm not having a baby, I'm just sick of morning.